Double glazing makes you feel so warm inside

The neighbours are having double glazing installed, so crashing, smashing and hammering noises mean Rose isn’t getting to sleep this morning. She is lying awake in her cot upstairs. She is quiet apart from the hiccups that float downstairs and sound like soap bubbles gently popping. She gets hiccups almost every day and they often end in tears.

The workmen are carrying armloads of 1950s windows out and dumping them in the front garden. Perhaps the next door neighbours are getting ready to sell up. Possibly not the best time to try their hand at property developing given that the world economic crash is still under way. But it would be nice if they did sell, as they are absent most of the year and the house is generally empty apart from when they rent it out to their friends from Finland. It might be nice to have neighbours. Apart from anything else their heating would warm up the middle wall and reduce our gas bills.

Since the new people moved in a few doors down and have a new baby, and the couple on the other side of them have a toddler, I like to think our road is a new hotspot for young breeding couples. In time the middle classes will outnumber the working class residents and sanded floorboards will become the standard decor. We should get our own branch of Ikea, next to Rams newsagents.

By the way I was wrong about Rose not going to sleep, she is lying with her hands behind her head copping zees. She had a marathon sleep yesterday afternoon too, now I think about it, and slept more solidly the more the drilling and hammering increased. So why does a dropped coat hanger at night wake her up in gales of outraged screaming? We try to be so stealthy and speak in whispers. For some reason noises sound louder at night, particularly when  you have a sleeping baby in the house.

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