Mostly about cats

When I came home this afternoon I wondered why the cats were sort of rattling when they moved, and had drunk all the water in their bowl. Following a trail of cat biscuits back to the upside down catfood barrel on top of a big pile of cat biscuits, I began to suspect that foul play had been afoot. After their massive and larcenous blowout the cats lay around all evening groaning and burping. But then that’s how they normally spend their time.

I’m a bit worried by the quantities of water they are drinking. It puts me in mind of what I think was a Hornblower story, about a ship with a cargo of rice which springs a leak and subsequently bursts due to the expansion of the rice. If the cats do explode overnight it won’t be the first time they have left a mess for me to clear up before work. They certainly do create a lot of dirt, cats. The domestic cat has clearly employed a really excellent advertising agency to purvey the image of its kind as dainty, houseproud and self cleaning. Lies lies lies.

Rose has taken to chewing people’s knees and objecting to baths. As Jason says, that’s no way to find a husband. She has also become very confident about standing up. It’s great when I go to pick her up for instance, I can stand her up on her own two feet for just long enough to put the buggy up. We’ve set up a mini sandpit in a plastic box in the back garden (full of lovely soft sand) and Rose climbs into it and swims around with great joy. The cats circle the sandpit making feints while I shoo them. Then when I put the lid on and retire indoors with child, the cats remain outside, staring at the sandpit in a depressed way, because basically I’ve created the most luxurious cat’s toilet in the whole world, and they aren’t allowed to use it.

Oh, and not only have I taught Rose to burp and bite people and throw her spoon, I have also taught her to climb off things safely! Every time she tried to hurl herself off a sofa or stair face first, I captured her and turned her round and showed her how to slide down backwards. And suddenly, there she was the other day, doing it just right, like she’d always known how. So that sort of makes up for the farting in public and all the rest of the bad stuff I’m responsible for. I’m putting this on record so she will have something to thank me for when she is a grown up.


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