Dear Jason

How are you? On the way home, probably, or still at the cinema. As you missed this evening’s events here is the story of the night you went to the pictures.

First, nursery pickup – Rose was so pleased to see me she wet herself and took twenty minutes of persuading to get her into dry things for the journey home. Then a repeat performance of last week when she kept running away down the road and laughing hysterically. I managed not to totally lose my rag until we got as far as the front gate, when Rose bit Sylvia on the forehead. At this point I hauled Rose on her back down the path. Once inside she calmed down a bit thanks to a Peppa Pig dvd. Next, her dinner was on the table but she needed a knicker change, so ran round and round and round getting more and more hysterical. She finally got to the dinner table and pulled the whole tablecloth down along with the bowl and all the food fell in a heap on the tiles. She crouched down to eat her pasta off the floor as I called weakly for her to stop while breastfeeding on the sofa. The cat joined in with Rose’s dinner too, after a bit. I should have taken a photo for the NSPCC website. At other moments, the sequence has become blurred already, she bit Sylvia on the face, the other cat was massively sick all over the plug extension under the table, Sylvia screamed like a steamship whistle going off, due to being bitten, and Rose stage dived off the naughty step, aiming directly at my head. The evening was topped off by a screaming fit in the bath and spending five minutes persuading her to get out. Strangely enough she seems to have gone straight to sleep, once reassured that there weren’t any cats hiding ready to jump out at her in the small hours.

Bet you wished you were here tonight. Never mind, you will be tomorrow.

Yours sincerely,



One response to “Dear Jason

  1. This is horrible and funny at the same time. What a wonderful description.

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